Sunday, July 26, 2009

Jokes/Pranks

Okay, if you are a person who likes to play jokes/pranks on people then this is the post for you! These are hilarious jokes to play!

- When you go out to eat, ask for diet water with a serious look on your face!

- Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

- Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
-Name your dog "Dog."
-Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
-Reply to everything someone says with "that’s what you think."
-Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
-Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
-Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
-Repeat everything someone says as a question.
-Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:

You: "Do you hear that?"

Other person: "What?"

You: "Never mind, it’s gone now."
-Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
-Mow your lawn with scissors.
-Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
-Make appointments for the 31st of September.
-Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
-Staple papers in the middle of the page.
-Honk and wave to strangers.
-Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
-Set alarms for random times.
-Pay for your dinner with pennies.
-Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
-Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
-Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
-"Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
-Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
-When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn’t paying attention."
-Phone McDonald’s and try to make a reservation for that evening.
-Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
-Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
-When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
-Move people’s bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren’t looking.
-Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
-After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven’t received enough chocolate sprinkles.
-At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
-Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
-Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
-Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.
-Go up to someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
-Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
-Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
-Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
-Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
-Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"


Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?”
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: “You’re one of THEM” - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY “I wonder what all these do?” And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: “I have new socks on.”
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: “Is that your beeper?”
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: “This is my personal space.”
14) WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say “Hi Greg, How’s your day been?”
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!”
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don’t exist.
22) CALL out “Group hug” then enforce it. Hope you liked it! :D

9 comments:

Calico Zak said...

WOW
Those are so funny!!
Where on earth did you find the elevator ones?

~CZ

T.J. said...

Those are funny!

Scott M. Head said...

If you get pulled over by a cop, when he gives you the pen to sign the ticket, chew on it and pick your ear with it while asking him questions, then give it back.

or you can try to sell him your car.

Stephanie Joy said...

Those were hilarious!

One of my personal favorite pranks is to go to the hunting section in Wal-Mart or another large store and start looking at the guns. While handling them, casually ask the attendant where the anti-depressants are.

Thanks so much for sharing these! God bless!

Spottedstar said...

sweet i love them and will try some soon. bwa-ha-ha-ha! watch out everyone

Eruanna said...

I didn't read them all but I will later! Funny!

Moriah said...

Calico Zac- I got the elevator one off a blog.

Pastor Head and Stephanie Joy- Thank y'all for the other idea's!

Spottedstar- Right. Everybody watch out, we're coming to trick ya!

Allison said...

Pastor Head,
Have you tried either of your suggestions? ;)

Lucie Manette said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
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